Anticipatory Grief: Pre-Grieving Your Sick or Aging Pet

By Angeline Simmons, January 2, 2025

Grieving your pet doesn’t necessarily start after your pet crosses the Rainbow Bridge. In some cases, you may experience anticipatory grief, which occurs in the lead-up period to losing a pet. 

Even celebrity pet owners have expressed feelings of anticipatory grief. “Been sad over here pre-grieving the loss of my Pearl Girl the last couple of days,” wrote singer Kacey Musgraves in December 2024. “The bond we form with these creatures is a blessing … but a ticking time bomb,” she said on social media. “An inevitable continuous deposit into a bank of future sadness. So painful but so worth it.”

Read on to discover more about anticipatory grief and how it may affect you.

Anticipatory Grief Definition

Anticipatory grief is a mourning process that begins before someone passes away. In the case of your pet, it could occur because the pet is sick or elderly. It’s also referred to as pre-grieving. 

You may begin to experience anticipatory grief symptoms if you start noticing changes in your pet, such as the fact that they can no longer climb stairs, chase a ball, see where you are, hear you calling them, or exhibit other signs of aging. It may also start if your pet is diagnosed with an illness, or if they’re simply heading toward an older age. 

Though it can feel stressful to experience anticipatory grief, it’s considered a natural part of the mourning process. Having these feelings may help you prepare better for when the inevitable happens. 

Signs You May Be Anticipatory Grieving

If you aren’t sure whether you’ve entered the pre-grieving stage, consider whether you’ve experienced any of these symptoms:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Anger

• Sorry

• Worry

• Dread

• Guilt

• Fear

• Confusion

• Isolation

• Forgetfulness

• Indecision

You may need support during this time to help you process these emotions, writes Certified Hospice and Palliative Care Veterinarian Dr. Erica Dickie, CHPV, CPEV, PLGS. “While this time of impending loss of companionship may feel like a total loss of control of all things in life, especially emotions, some can experience times of acceptance, peace, growth and reflection. An interdisciplinary animal hospice and palliative care team can become invaluable in facilitating positive changes and growth.”

Stages of Anticipatory Grief

Researchers have identified four distinct stages of anticipatory grief that people may experience if a loved one is nearing the end:

• Stage 1: You accept that death is unavoidable, and feel depressed, sad and angry.

• Stage 2: You begin to reflect on your feelings, potentially including remorse, regret and guilt.

• Stage 3: You “rehearse” how you may handle the actual death, including potentially making plans for a memorial tribute or handling your pet’s ashes.

• Stage 4: You imagine what your life will look like after your pet passes away. 

You may not experience all four stages — or if you do, they may overlap one another or come and go. It’s OK and completely normal to move on from one stage and then go back to it again.

How to Deal With Anticipatory Grief

How you handle your pre-grief feelings will be very personal, depending on your waves of emotions and bond with your pet. But following are some strategies that may help you through it.

Learn what to expect. Talk to your veterinarian about what the coming months will look like. Ask about your pet’s condition, what kinds of symptoms you may see, and whether any therapies may help your pet stay comfortable throughout it. Ask whether you should look for signs that may indicate it’s time to consider pet euthanasia. Get a referral to a pet loss grief specialist if needed, or connect with a behavioral therapist so you can talk through your feelings.

Begin to prepare. Look ahead to what may happen when your pet passes. Consider whether you might want to take out a pet life insurance policy. Think about what kind of pet memorial you might plan to honor your loved one. Consider whether you might want to bury them at a pet cemetery or cremate them, what you’d write in their pet obituary, whether you might consider wearing memory jewelry or getting a pet memorial tattoo, or other ways to help you through your pet’s loss. 

Create special moments. If you think your pet has limited time left, it’s important to make the most of it by creating special moments with them. Sit in their favorite spot with them, feed them their preferred foods if they can still handle that, cuddle them as much as possible, and take plenty of pictures of them.

Take care of yourself and your pet as you go through the stages of anticipatory grief. You can’t nurture your pet if you are unwell, so always attend to your emotional wellness as you navigate this difficult period.